Working 2 jobs sucks!

My life is pretty crazy right now, so once again this is just a quick update to touch base.

I know I've been promising to do a real update for weeks, but I swear I'll do one tomorrow. In fact, I'll use my lunch break to type it on my phone then when I get home from my second job I'll post it on here!

Also shout out to my newest followers, and sorry for being MIA for so long.

Much love,
Ayla

Vacation

I know I was supposed to update sooner, but I’ve been extremely busy. Unfortunately, this isn’t a real update either. I’m leaving to go on vacation in less than an hour but wanted to touch base here first, since I’ve been gone for so long. I promise, promise, promise, when I get back I’ll fill everyone in.

Much love,

Ayla

Coming Soon

I know I haven’t been doing a good job blogging, but I’ve just been too busy lately. I graduated this past Saturday, which means no more assignments...well until I start graduate school. Right now I’m in the process of trying to find another job that works with my current job schedule, so that I’m able to have both, which has turned out to be harder than I originally thought. Well got to run, I have lots to do today. I promise that I will be doing a real update very soon.- If not this week then definitely Monday.

Also I’d like to shout out my two newest followers Americaneagle, and Ulla.lexie. Thanks so much for following, I’m sorry that I have been MIA so much, but that should all change next week.

Ayla

Super Busy

Still really busy, and buried under a mountain of assignments. I have much to say just no time to do it in, probably won’t be able to update again until the end of next week.

Shout out to me newest follower tia louise

XOXO

Ayla

Big Changes Coming (Day 27)

Just found out about a massive deadline to be thinner for in June, add that to my recent failure and I have decided to make some changes. I’ll do a longer post Friday or Saturday explaining everything, but right now I’m swamped with work and I still have some blogs I want to catch up on.

XOXO

Ayla

Feeling Better (Day 26)

Back on track and feeling good.

Catching up on reading blogs.

Busy, Busy, Busy.

Getting on the scale tomorrow morning.

Longer update coming soon.

Ayla

Monster (Day 25)

Well I’m back. Unfortunately I have really bad news to report. If you look at the side bar you’ll notice that I had a fast on Wednesday. Even though I was under a lot of stress and had a mountain of work to do I decided that I would stick to the original plan and fast on Wednesday. I mainly decided this because I felt a little guilty for cancelling all my other fasts- since my diet is simply just adding 800 cals. to the ABC diet I would just eat 800 calories on fast days. However, I started to feel like that wasn’t good enough so I threw caution to the wind and fasted Wednesday. The fast itself was a success- it was almost too easy to fast. I’m usually really busy, so finding time to eat can sometimes be a challenge, also not eating just gave me more time to get work done. I’ve always been really good at the actual fasting part. The problems come when I go back to eating. The ends of the fasts’ always trigger huge binges for me, and when I say huge I mean HUGE. I will sometime binge and eat over 4,000 calories in just one day. However, Thursday binge was one of the worst I have ever had. Thursday I probably spent about $30 on food and ate about 5,500 calories!

Thursday went something like this:

-woke up at 6:00am had some cereal (binge triggered)

            -ate the rest of my (half full) box of cereal, then opened and ate boyfriends entire

              box of cereal

-got ready for school (shower, dress, etc.)

-ate 5 clif bars (each clif bar has 250 calories)

-finished PowerPoint for presentation

-ate massive bowl of oatmeal

-arrived on campus: instead of going to the classroom where I was supposed to be setting up for the presentation that I had to do that morning I went and spent over $10 on junk from the vending machine, then I went and hid in a study carrel and stuffed my face.

-when I finished shoveling food in my mouth it was 9:30am, which is the exact time I was supposed to be standing in front of a class and giving a presentation. So I hurry and try and get rid of all the evidence (food wrappers) and rush out of the library. Well I quickly found that stomach filled to capacity with junk food + rushing/ moving quickly = nausea and vomiting.

-I spent about 10 minutes in the bathroom puking my guts out, thankfully only 2 people came in the bathroom while I was puking and whether it was my large size or they just didn’t give a crap they left me alone after me mumbling stuff about the stomach flu in between gagging.

-after washing up I arrived to class about 15 minutes late, and had the privilege of having an entire room of students stare at me while I made pleas and excuses to the professor.

-After suffering through that class I went to the bathroom where I preceded to vomit uncontrollably yet again. Yet, when I was done instead of going to directly to my next class I decided that all the vomiting I did meant there was now more room in my stomach so I went and bought animal crackers. One bag I shoved down my throat as soon as I bought it, the other I ate during my 11:00am class, which I was also late for.

-after that it was pretty much more of the same for the rest of the day. I even went home early from work that night because my stomach couldn’t take it anymore.





Thursday was by far the worst day, but I continued to overeat for the rest of the week. Yesterday was the only day that I didn’t eat over 3,000 calories. I’m not sure how I should handle these failures in terms of my 50 day challenge. I’m torn between adding an extra week to the challenge and drastically cutting the calories for the upcoming weeks. This week is a pretty low calorie week and I don’t want to run the risk of trigging another binge since that might be partly why I had such a tuff time on Thursday, so I don’t think that I’ll be cutting the cals. this week, which means I’m really lost on how to make this right.  

Please if anyone has any suggestions or help I’m all ears- except things like purging or take laxatives, I gave up purging a longtime ago and have no desire to fall back into a binge purge cycle, and I have never and will never use laxative. I know I messed up big time, but I’m ready to get back up and try again, and if anyone has any solutions on how I could do that, I’d love to hear it.

Needless to say I haven’t stepped on the scale in quite a bit of time so I have no idea how much I weigh. I know the number has to be insanely high. In one day I ate enough for 3 people, that is not only pathetic is also revolting to think about. But I’m actually going to face the music, this Wednesday I’m going to see how much I weigh. Since today and tomorrow are both low days I think that my stomach may go down some before I have to step on the scale. Right now my body is still really puffy and gross and I don’t think I’ll be brave enough to get on the scale Wed. morning, but I feel it’s something I need to do. I really hope the number on the scale gives me strength to fight, if it’s anything higher than 215 I might just have a breakdown

I actually have a lot more things/ news that I wanted to mention, but this post is already very long so I’ll save the rest for tomorrow.

Never again

I have goals and I WILL accomplish them!!!!

XOXO

Ayla

 

Busy Busy Busy (Day 18)

This is going to be another really quick post; it’s also going to be my last post until Friday. I have a jammed packed week and even taking the time to do this is post is costing me.

Okay time for food and diet update: I had to cancel the fast on Sunday, I ate 800 calories. Sadly all 800 calories came in the form of sugary junk food. In fact that’s pretty much all I ate all weekend- sugary junk food. I’ve decided not to weigh myself for an entire week, I’m very stressed out right now, and the number on the scale affects me way too much, so I’ve decided that I won’t weigh myself until this Sunday.- It is going to be so hard not weighing for an entire week, but I’m sick of being controlled by the scale. I need to learn how to gauge my progress by things other than the number on the scale. I’ve had 2 people comment on my weight loss, and yet I still felt like shit because the scale didn’t give me the number I wanted, that’s just ridiculous. Let’s see if I can make it an entire week without sneaking a peek at my weight.

Quick shout out to my newest follower Struggle2bethin, thanks for following. Also to answer your question about my previous weight loss, done the ‘healthy way’, it took almost 2 years and I dropped over 120 pounds. So a massive weight loss, but it took forever to lose. However, I’ve been doing my own modified version of the ABC diet (add 800 cals. to ana boot camp diet) for about 2 weeks and have already lost almost 10 pounds (I haven’t weighed in a couple days so I could be even less). Well time to do lab homework, and hopefully finish a 7 page paper before my 2pm class. *SIGH* Why does college have to be so damn hard?

Some thinspiration to get you through the week:



 

Just wrong





Much better

Ayla

JUST SHUT UP!!! (Day 15)

Pretty pissed off right now I’m in one of the carrels in the library and these dumb ass girls are talking so loud. I’ve already had to tell them to shut up twice. If I have to do it again, then it won’t be pretty. Urg- I know a part of it comes from the fact that I’m still upset about the number I saw on the scale this morning. For some reason I got it in my head that anything higher than 204 would be horrible. So when I stepped on the scale this morning and saw 205, I just felt like utter shit. I know it’s stupid and that I should be happy with any weight loss, especially so close to my period when I normally gain a pound or two of water weight, but I don’t care. I want to lose this weight faster. If I wanted to do it the slow way then I’d just go back to eating 1900 calories, it makes me feel like all my effort is for nothing. Though to be honest I can’t expect huge weight loss with the calories so damn high anyway. If I don’t reach my goal weight for this week (201.5 by Sunday), then I’m officially lowering the calories. I feel like such a fat loser right now. It’s pathetic knowing that had I got on the scale and it had been just one pound less, I would be feeling much better about myself. Wow, it’s ridiculous that the scale has this much power over my life. This is exactly why I don’t allow myself to weigh in everyday. I think I should cut another day of the week that I’m not allowed to weigh, but I already feel like 2 days out of the week not weighing is a lot so I doubt I could handle a third. *SIGH* I just don’t know what to feel about this I’m very confused. I know this shouldn’t be bothering me, but it is. I keep telling myself to stop being so silly it’s just one pound it doesn’t matter, but it does matter. If I had gone off the eating plan and weighed 205 then I’d be happy, but I’ve been really good, and I think that’s part of what’s bothering me about this.

Okay so I’m going to stop whining and try and be more positive. I still lost 1.5 pounds, and the week isn’t over yet. If I bust my butt at work, and avoid junk food, then I may get a pleasant surprise on the scale tomorrow morning. I’m also going to complete the rules and rewards part of the weight loss game I wanted to do. Actually I may suggest that my weight loss partner and I use it for our competition, I’d have to leave out some things so she doesn’t get suspicious, but I think having someone close to me competing with me will help, even though she doesn’t seems as into as I am. Hmmm, I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned her in a post before. Well I have a weight loss buddy, we’ll call her El. However, she’s not the type of weight loss buddy that I might find on here, and I can’t tell her even half the things I think about food. Just the thought of me going under 1200 calories would probably be too much for her to handle. We’ve been talking about going on a diet and using each other for support, but thus far I appear to be the only one who’s lost any real weight and she doesn’t even know how much I weigh now, she thinks that I’m still about 214 pounds. I really wish that someone more hardcore lived near me, it would be so awesome. Something else I should be happy about is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with my assignments. By this time next week I should have be all caught up!

I’d also like to give a special thanks to my 2 newest followers, Thin_Envy and ChildofApathy and the two wonderful women who commented on my last post- thanks Africana knowing that you overcame a similar situation (previously being 250) really helps. I’ll stop here because I think this post is more than long enough, and I’d like to catch up on some blogs before I have to go back to working on assignments, besides my mood is all over the place right now!

Thinspiration



Have a Fabulously Thin Friday,

Ayla

Better (Day 14)

Quick shout out to my newest follower, Africana.- Thanks for following!

Well after reading some blogs and thanks to Empty Shell’s (Blacklisted) post, I realize that my life isn’t that bad and could be a whole lot worse. I’m still buried under assignments but I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, at the end of next week I should be all caught up.

Since it’s Thursday and I’m not allowed to weigh myself on Tuesdays or Thursdays I’m not sure how much I weigh. I’m really hoping for 204 or less. I should have lost all the extra water weight by then, so I should see a decent number on the scale. For some reason I have it in my head that I should at least be at 204, and anything above that is bad.- I get like that sometimes and I really don’t know why. Once I get it in my head that I want to see a certain number on the scale anything higher won’t do. I’m also upset that I have been eating all the calories allowed for each day. I wanted to come in at least 100 calories under the maxium for each day, but I really haven’t been. Thankfully I’ve done a fairly decent job of staying away from junk food, so the calories I have been consuming are mostly from healthy type food.

Moonlight-Mistress left a comment on my last post about have problems with my blog on her blog roll, if anyone else has any problems let me know and I’ll do my best to fix them. Well I’m about to be late for my 2:00 class, so I’ll end it here and leave you with some thinspo.

Thinspiration

Wow, this blog is really helps.- I feel so much better!!!!
Ayla

Another Quickie (Day 13)

Sorry, but this is going to have to be another short post. I did manage to get on the scale this morning and it said 206.5, which is exactly the same thing it said the last time I got on the scale. I’m not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand I’m glad I didn’t gain weight especially since I’m still technically on my period, but on the other hand I still wanted to see a lower number on the scale. I know it’s stupid that I’m upset about this, but I really could use some good news in the weight department to lift my spirits. Right now I feel like such a loser because I didn’t finish an assignment for a class and now I’m the only person in the class that won’t have a peer-critique, which is so embarrassing since the class is so small and everyone knows. Time to get some work done so I don’t have to die of shame in another class. Wow, I’m such a loser!

Ayla

Homework, Homework, go away!!! (Day 12)

I’m beginning to wonder if I will ever be able to dig out from under all the assignments I’m buried under. I knew the upcoming weeks would be difficult, but I didn’t expect them to be this horrendous. I already have so much to do, and every time I think that I’m really putting a dent in my work load more shit just gets piled on. It seems to be never ending. I just want a little break from it all. I’m debating whether or not to stay up and pull an all-nighter. However, I know I’ll need my strength if I want to get through the rest of the week, so I’m not sure what I should do. Screw it. I don’t get enough sleep as it is. I’m just going to get as much done as I can and if I don’t finish something oh well, it’s not the end of the world, right? Right.

Moving on to something just as if not more stressful, my diet. Surprisingly, the incredible amount of stress I’ve been under hasn’t really affected my diet too much these past few days. I even did great when Boyfriend and I went to the movies. Most of the time it’s me stuffing my face the entire movie, but this time I only brought 2 ropes of Laffy Taffy (80 cals. each).

Right now however is another story. I’m having really bad craving for Oreos and Skittles. Unfortunately I have my wallet with me. Normally, I don’t bring my wallet, or more specifically money with me so that I don’t fall prey to the lure of the vending machines, but I had to bring money and my school ID to score some cheap movie tickets. Today is a 1000 calorie day and I already had 355 of those calories, and if I want to have a good lunch then I can’t afford to throw way that many calories on candy, and junk.

Since my period is almost over I may sneak a peek at my weight tomorrow morning, it all depends on how feel. I really want to know how much I weigh, but at the same time I know how badly I sometimes retain water on my periods. Seeing a high number on the scale would just ruin my entire day even if I knew it was probably just water weight. Right now I’m just a little puff, so tomorrow shouldn’t be too bad, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Well I’ve spent enough time hiding from all my responsibilities so I’ll just end it here, since it’s more than long enough.

Thinspiration

Remember your goals,
Ayla

Stressed (Day 11)

This is going to have to be another quickie, because I am still buried under assignments. Yesterday wasn’t too bad food-wise. There were some things that I wish I wouldn’t have eaten, but considering the the fact that I am on my period it could have been much worse. I was also hoping to eat less than 800 calories yesterday, but I ended up eating all 800, which sucks since I wasn’t really active this Sunday, and I spent the entire day trying to figure out what I was going to do about my laptop situation. I ended up buying a new dell inspiron 15R it should be here on Thursday or Friday. Well time to get some work done, I’ll try and post as much as I can, but since I am without my laptop and have so much work to do I doubt I’ll be able to make much time for blogger.

Ayla

Buster Laptop (Day 10)

This is going to have to be a super quick post. My laptop screen is busted so I’m posting in a common area right now.

Cancelled the fast and decided to eat 800 calories since Aunt Flo came to visit yesterday. That also means that I won’t be weighing myself for quite a while. Since I’ m so terrified to of weighing myself when I’m on my period the earliest I’ll weigh is this Friday coming up. Gotta go Boyfriend is having a hissy fit.

Ayla

Friendly Scale (Day 9)

This is just going to be a quick post since I have so much stuff to do today, but I couldn’t wait to post this. I got on the scale this morning and it said 206.5. Wow, I’m so happy. Just 6 ½ more pounds until I reach my first goal. This feels amazing. I was a little worried that the calorie limits I set were going to be to high, but now I think that they are perfect. They are high enough to give me the energy I need to handle all the things I have to do everyday, yet low enough to give me these amazing results. I also know that the big results usually come in the first week and that I won’t lose as much the further I get into the challenge, but I don’t care. I’m going to enjoy this feeling as long as I can, because my period is due any day and I’ll be to terrified to weigh myself until it’s over, meaning almost a week of not knowing my weight!

Thinspiration

Have a beautifully skinny Saturday,
Ayla

Success (Day 8)

I want to start off by clearing up a little mistake I made in my last post, I accidently thanked the same follower twice instead of my newest follower, so instead of trying to go back and fix it in past posts. I’m just going to give a big thanks to all four of my followers, that way I know for a fact I didn’t over look anyone. So thanks moonlight-mistress, Empty Shell (Daring Destruction), Ayden Cole, and Kandie (Esoteric Thin). It really means a lot to me to know that I actually have people out there who care enough to follow my blog, it makes me feel like I’m not on this journey alone!

Today is a 1200 calorie day and so far I’ve had a A.B. Sandwich (150) and a Banana (125).

Meal plan for the rest of the day:

-Baby Carrots (100)

-Apple (80)

-Veggie Burger (200)

-Gum (5)

-Bag of Frozen Veggies (250)

                        Total: 1085 (110 calories under)

Now for some exciting news.- I got on the scale this morning and it said 208. I am so happy right now. This is especially nice since I spent the entire weekend sitting on my butt reading. I also wasn’t making the best choices about the type of food I was eating. I’m so pumped right now, just 9 more pounds and I can say goodbye to the 200’s. Next week should be even better since I’m going to really be making an effort to be more active on the weekends, and eat better.

I still have a massive amount of assignments to do and just got more loaded on so I this weekend is really going to suck. Boyfriend and I always use the weekends as date nights since we’re both so busy during the week. I’m also going to a movie with a friend this Sunday since we ended up showing up at the wrong time last Sunday. I’m actually really nervous about my fast this Sunday. I know that I can do it, it’s just I don’t know how I’m going to hide the fact that I’m not eating from everyone. If the fast were on a weekday it would be no problem, because I’m on campus all day, then go to work right after and it’s usually pretty late when I get home, So I’d really only have to worry about someone noticing me skip dinner. I’ll just lie and say my stomachache or something. It’s just for one day, I’ll just make it a point to eat in front of people Monday so no one gets suspicious. Besides I’m doing this for me and I can’t let what other people think/want get in the way of me accomplishing my goals. Well my little break is over, time to go back to homework hell.

Thinspiration

Have a lovely Skinny Friday,
Ayla

New plan (Day 7)

After reading some blogs I have decided to devise a new plan. I will still be following my modified version of the ABC diet so that won’t really change. However, I will make it my goal to come in at least 100 calories under the daily calorie limits. I think the reason why I’m so damn afraid of the scale, even though I’ve been sticking to the plan is because even though I’m staying within the daily calorie limits I’m still making bad food choices. Yesterday was a 1,000 calorie day and I used most of the calories on candy.

Food intake for yesterday (1000 calorie day):
-Almond butter on low cal. Wheat bread (150)
-Banana (125) -Large bag of skittles (450)
-2 ropes of Laffy Taffy (160)
-Half of a veggie burger (100)
-5 grapes (15)

See what I mean pathetic- 610 out of 1000 calories wasted on candy! I think if I lower the daily calorie intake it will force me to make better food choices. However, I don’t want to feel like I’m deprived of anything, so I’ll make the lower calorie intake more of an option rather than a rule, but turning it into a game with prizes every week. The new plan is basically to add stuff I stole from the blogs of Isobel (count down to skinny) and Elle (working on it). Isobel motivated me to try and do better than merely sticking to my calorie range, and Elle inspired me to get my butt moving, by running on the weekends.

Possible Scoring options
Calories
-under 100 daily limit (15 pts)
-10 calories (2 pts)
Exercise
-walk one mile (10 pts)
-run one mile (15 pts)
-half hour of cardio (10 pts)
-completing toning exercises (10 pts)
Water
-8 cups (10 pts)
-1 extra cup (5 pts)
Sleep
-8 hours (10 pts)
-1 extra hour (5 pts)

I’m currently unsure what exactly the points and rewards should be. So if anyone has any ideas I’m completely open to suggestions. I plan to come up with all the rules and rewards for the plan this weekend, so Saturday I will post an in-depth version of the plan. Since the plan will officially begin this Sunday.

Moving on to today’s events. I’m still in homework hell, which won’t end until the end of this week, when I spend the weekend playing catch-up. Last night I didn’t go to bed until a little after 4 in the morning and had to get up less than 3 hours later at 7am. I was going to pull an all-nighter tonight since I only did a 4 hour shift tonight at work, but I’m so damn tired I really doubt I’ll get much accomplished anyway. Besides tonight will be the first night that I’ll get a decent amount of sleep this week. Every night I’ve been up late doing homework.
　
On a more positive note today was a very good day in terms of food. Not only did I do a good job of keeping my calories relatively low, but I also did a good job of eating the right foods.

Today I had:
-A. B. sandwich (150)
-Banana (125)
-Apple (80)
-1 cup of cheerios with 1 cup of soy milk (180)
-1 veggie burger (200)
-Soup (260)

Total: 995 (105 calories under)

　
　
I’d also like to give a shout-out to my newest follower Ayden Cole.- Thanks for following, you've given me yet another reason to stay motivated. I’m going to end it here since I’ve already written another novel

Thinspiration

Nighty Night, hope everyone has sweet skinny dreams

Ayla

Oreos and Summer (Day 6)

I was too afraid to get on the scale this morning, so I’ll have to wait until Friday to see what I weigh since I don’t allow myself to weigh on Tuesdays or Thursdays. I’ve been doing well on the plan, it’s just I don’t think the calories are low enough to make a difference. So depending on what I weigh Sunday I may lower the calories by 100. I want to lose about 5 pounds a week. So if I’m not at least 208 pounds on Sunday then I’ll lower the calorie limit for each day by 100. I just really want this weight to start coming off. There is no way that I’m going to go through another summer being this heavy. I’m looking forward to warmer weather, but at the same time I’m terrified of summer’s arrival.

Sure it’s important to be skinny all year round, but everyone knows that summer is the season where it’s most important. In fall and winter you can cover up your rolls and bulges with heavy sweaters and hoodies. But not summer. No summer is the time of year where people prance around wearing next to nothing. I know I won’t be bikini ready by the time summer rolls around, but at least I won’t be as tragic as I am right now.

Another major reason I want to drop as much weight as I can before the summer heat kicks in is because of my job. It can get really hot and uncomfortable at my job in the summer time. Not to mention the fact that I work with a ton of guys and I’d prefer not to look like a huge sweaty pig around them. There is one guy in particular there that is a real hottie. Since we get along and work well together we tend to work together a lot, and I cringe at the thought of having him see me looking like a sweaty cow.

Right now I hear some Oreos and skittles calling my name, fortunately I don’t have any money on me so they can scream all they want and it doesn’t matter because I have no money to buy them. I’d also just like to say how effing awesome it is that Oreos are Vegan; I don’t know what my life would be like without those over-processed-fattening sandwich cookies. My life would be heaven if they made a fat free/ low cal. version, that way I wouldn’t have to avoid them like the damn plague. They may be delicious but they have way too many calories to eat on a regular basis. Well if you had the will power to stop at just one it wouldn’t be so bad, but as evident by my 211 pound body I obviously can’t stop at just one. Well I still have a ton of assignments to do, and I’m meeting a friend on campus later, so I’m just going to end the post here, since I’ve already written a novel.

Reverse Thinspiration

Thinspiration

When you’re starting to feel weak just think about which girls you’d rather look like this summer.

Ayla

Homework Hell (Day 5)

So I didn’t get all my assignments completed. Around 4:30 in the morning I
realized that my mind was turning to mush and I wasn’t making much head
way, so I just decided to call it a night…..well morning and went to be
around 5:00am. So not everything got done, but I did get enough done to
get by. However, for the rest of the week I will be in homework hell. I
have so much due already, and each day more keeps getting piled on. Well
enough bitching about college life, time to move on to the ‘real’ stuff.


Yesterday was a fairly good day food wise. I stayed within my calorie
range and most of the food that I ate was pretty healthy. Though, I will
say I had quite a difficult time walking by the vending machines with
money in my pocket. Normally, I don’t even bring money with me when I’m on
campus, because my self control can be so shitty, but there were a few
things that I needed to get on campus, and therefore needed my wallet.


Today was a 900 calorie day and I had:
- 1 banana (125)
- 1 ½ oranges (120)
-3 pieces of low cal. Wheat bread (105)
- individually packaged garlic sauce (150)
-half a veggie burger (100)
- 13 grapes (40)
-soup (260)

I plan to weigh myself tomorrow morning, but I’m afraid that the scale won’t give me a good number. I really want to be out of the 210’s and if I’m not it will really upset me. I have a lot of shit I have to do and don’t have time to worry about that too. So, I guess it all depends on how brave I am tomorrow morning. I’m really tired and have an early day tomorrow so I’ll stop here and leave you with some thinspo.


Thinspiration:

Nighty Night
Ayla

Research papers suck (Day 4)

This post ism't going to be as long as others. I have a draft of a 20 page paper due tomorrow at 9:30am that I haven’t even started on yet. Normally this wouldn’t really be a problem, but I have class at 2:00pm then work from 4:30pm-10:00pm, so I have to finish as much of it as I can before my 2:00 class, because I won’t have time to work on it until late tonight. Oh and did I mention that I also have a 10 page paper due at 11:00am tomorrow as well. Luckily, I’ve already started the 10 page paper so I only have to write about 3 more pages of that. I’m going to pull an all-nighter, and hope like hell that I can get it all done. I’m not overly worried though, because it’s just a draft, so it’s supposed to be crappy, right? Right. -denial can sometimes be a wonderful thing.

Didn’t weigh myself this morning, and I don’t weigh myself on Tuesdays or Thursdays, so I won’t know what I weigh until Wednesday. I really want to be 209 or less. I’d love to lose 5 pounds each week, but that doesn’t seem too realistic so I’ll have to just wait to see what the scale has to say.

Yesterday went much like Saturday meaning I ate nothing but junk, and wasn’t active. However, I did stay within the 1100 calorie range, which was hard because the damn waffle fries took up so many of the calories that I didn’t have many calories left over for other stuff, which is good thing since it means that it was less junk I was allowed to stuff down my throat. Well ladies (and gents) it’s paper writing time!

Thinspiration

Stay strong,
Ayla

First Official Weigh-In (Day 3)

Okay, so today was my first official weigh-in and the scale said……………… 211.5. So yeah, I haven’t lost any weight since Saturday; Which I’m okay with since I was a lazy slob yesterday, not to mention all the junk I ate. I stayed within my 1300 calorie range, but everything I put in my mouth was either packed in sugar, or fat, or both. I’m not going to run through the entire list but it was something like this: waffle fries, skittles, Oreos, you get the picture, sadly this is pretty typical of how I normally eat on the weekends.
　
During the week I eat much healthier foods, but the weekends tend to be just a junk food fest. I’m also usually more active on Saturdays, but yesterday I spent pretty much the entire day in bed reading, I couldn’t resist the urge, I had been waiting years for this book to be released. I’m not going to beat myself up over it though, because even though I didn’t lose any weight it’s only day 3 of this challenge and I’m going to work like hell to ensure that when I get on the scale May 21^st that I’m 164 pounds.
　
I doubt there will be any change on the scale tomorrow morning either, because Boyfriend and I are doing our usual lazy Sunday tradition, where we watch movies and snack all day, not to mention that I promised a friend that I would see a movie with her tonight. I’m planning on saving at least half of my calories for the movie tonight, because I don’t want to feel denied when I see other people with tons of snacks. However, this will be my last weekend of eating garbage all day long. It’s just really hard for me to say no when the people around me are eating it.
　　
That’s why I usually eat so bad on the weekend, because Boyfriend can eat what ever the hell he wants and not gain a pound. Hell when he was younger (late teens- early twenties), he tried to gain weight so that he could bulk up. He has a natural lean and muscular body. Yeah, he goes to the gym occasionally, but it’s manly genetic, his grandfather is in his 70’s and has a lean, and trim figure that he doesn’t have to do much if anything to maintain. But, I’m not going to bitch and moan about it, because after all I do get to enjoy Boyfriends body if you know what I mean. Of coarse, that means he has to deal with mine…..well more on that some other time. I have to get going and this post is long enough already.

Now for some thinspiration

Stay strong
Ayla

Background (Day 2)

Okay to start off I want to make it very clear that I do not have an eating disorder, nor will I promote eating disorders. However, I have been a long time follower of many pro-ana blogs, and the remarkable support you ladies and men have to offer is far to tempting to pass up. Therefore after careful consideration I have decided to create my own blog and further immerse my self in the pro-ana community. However, I know all to well how addicting this kind of lifestyle can be, so I will probably stop blogging and go back to just following blogs once this 50 day challenge ends.
If you take a look at my stats than you’ll see that I use to be insanely large. It was a combination of horrendous eating, an 8 hour job behind a desk, and pure laziness. During my childhood I was quite active and though I may have eaten more than my share of food, all the activity gave me a toned an athletic build. However, once my family and I moved from down south to New York I became more and more sedentary and the weight continued to pile on over the years until I had ballooned to over 300 pounds. I should also mentioned that during that time I had also been doing a lot of yo-yo dieting, which also when I discovered the pro-ana blogs and community. Eventually, I was able to drop a significant portion of the weight by eating right and becoming more active. Switching jobs also played a significant role in helping me shed the weight. I have been at my job for almost 4 years now and love it. It is very labor intense and keeps me moving.

Although, I lost a ton of weight already I still have far to go and I really don’t want to spend another year being this heavy. It took a long time of steady weight loss to get to where I am today, and I have no desire to spend that much time losing the rest, which is why I’m doing this 50 day challenge and why I created this blog. Once the 50 days are up I will return to eating about 1900 calories a day. If you have any questions or just want to chat email me at ayla50in50@hotmail.com or leave a comment.

I almost forgot to mention the good news, I got on the scale this morning and it said 211.5! Just 2 more pounds and I’ll be out of the 210’s, woohoo!!!! I’ll post my meal plan for today in the next post, since I made this one so long.

Thinspiration


Stay strong ladies (and gents) we can do this!!!!
Ayla

Special Thanks

Wow, I have two followers! I can’t believe how happy it makes me to know that there are at least 2 people out there who actually give a crap what goes on in my train-wreak-of-a-life. When I started this blog I didn’t expect to get any followers, certainly none on the first day. So I’d like to give a special thanks to Ayden Cole and Moonlight-Mistress.
So today was one of the higher calorie days (1300 calorie day) and I had:
Almond butter sandwich: 150
Banana: 125
Apple: 80
Veggie burger (with veggies on top): 200
Clif Bar: 240
Small amount of spaghetti: 500 (probably less, I didn’t eat much)
Total: 1300 calories
I know this was a really short post, but it’s getting late, I’ll do a post tomorrow with my background info.
Ayla

Introduction (Day 1)

My name isn’t really Ayla. I actually have a really common and boring name. I’ve changed it because I will be reveling personal stuff about my life and would like to stay as anonymous as possible.  I’m not Ana or Mia, nor do I have any other eating disorder. I simply want to lose weight quickly and the ‘healthy’ way is taking far too long. This blog will follow my life as I embark on a 50 day challenge to lose 50 pounds.  I’d like to start off by saying that I used to be very, very, very, large. I lost over 100 pounds the good old fashion way eating right and exercising. Now however, I’ve found that, that isn’t enough. if I want to shed all this weight in a more timely fashion, then drastic measures must be taken. All I’ve done is add 800 calories to the ABC (Ana Boot Camp) diet. I created this blog, because I wanted something that would have help me on my journey.  I’ll update again later on today, but right now I have to go else I’ll be late for my 2:00 class, so it’s goodbye for now you sexy bitches!!!!!!

Ayla